how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize