Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
