I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
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Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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