New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
