i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
