Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
