Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
