Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
