Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You're like the curious george of whores
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Randomize
