peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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