the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
