You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
