Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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