I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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