Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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