I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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