can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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