My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
