3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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