in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
