this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
