Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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