I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
