ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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