is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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