Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
