apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
