Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
