My nipple is on Facebook.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
