Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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