There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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