I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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