He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
