Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
