Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
