Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
