what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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