bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
