The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
