Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
