the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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