I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
then he tried to convert me to islam
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Randomize
