I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sorry about my life...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
