I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
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I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
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Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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