are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
