I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.