i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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