K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
