i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You ate ashes out of my bong