Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
