i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
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I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?