my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
