She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
