He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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