Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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