Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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