And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
