Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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