my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
