Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
