Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
