I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
