Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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