My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
