Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
