I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
