the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I supernannyed him into submission
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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