If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
