I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
