grandma shit on top of the toilet
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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