i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
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You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
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It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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