The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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