tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
