I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
