Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
