i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's always time for handjobs
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
