Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
