all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
