All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
