WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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