The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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