I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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