Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
