I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
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i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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